Topic: I don't know what to do anymore!?
April 24, 2019 / By Alleen Question:
I am a 14-year-old girl named Jean in college. Yes, I know that's young, but please don't comment on it.
This will be kind of long, but please bear with me and read.
So, I'm taking an online organic chemistry class. It is really difficult for me, especially since this online class has no lecture, etc., only tests and the textbook. I recently took the midterm exam, and got 32/100. The highest score was 100/100 and class average was 60/100. I obviously did worse than everyone else.
Anyway, to prepare for this test, I studied hard. I mean really hard: I solved all the textbook questions, read it thoroughly, did all the quizzes (100% accuracy), past midterm questions (also 100% accuracy), and the textbook student site. But I took the test and bombed it.
Now my older brother has always been better than me in everything except violin and fencing; he's smarter than me too. My mother always compares me to him and says things like "your brother always got 100% on all his tests and he was younger than you" and "your brother Alex was already in medical school at your age" and stuff like that. She swears a lot and any time I get a B or lower on anything, even a practice exam, I will hear about how stupid, idiotic, worthless, etc. I am for literally a week straight every day. I stay home all day, too, so that doesn't help. She never does it when my family are around, so they and other people all think my mother is so nice and tell me how lucky I am. I almost throw up when I hear that.
I was homeschooled by my mother until high school, and during that whole period of time at home, she would yell at me every day about anything I did. I wasn't holding that paper when I wrote, my hair was too long, why couldn't I understand that bit of trig at first try, etc., etc. She would throw all sorts of stuff at me at home (once she threw a pencil at me and the sharp lead point got in my palm so we had to go to the doctor's office to get it out, where she said that I had been playing around and got it in my hand by accident), hit and kick me, verbally abuse, hit me with belts, etc. And I always have to hear from family and friends about how nice my mother is. She acts super-nice in public. Even my dad and brother are fooled.
My mother has always favored my brother over me. He never has to do anything, and he has never been scolded once (I know because he stays at school all day and when he comes home I'm always there). He gets anything he wants and my mother always brags about him to other people. Once when I was a toddler he had a tantrum about his computer and threw a large book to the ground. Our rooms are next to each other and I knocked on his door and asked if he was ok. He slammed the door open (yes, it's possible) and there was this weird light in his eyes and he broke my wrist. Of course I went to the doctor and had to get a cast. From then on, even now, my wrist is weaker than my other. For anything bad he does, I get blamed for it. For example, if he does badly on a test, I get shouted at for keeping my radio to loud and thus interrupting his studying. (Note that I don't have a radio. Only my brother has one. When I protest and say I don't have a radio, my mother yells at me for talking back and I get grounded for a week while my brother gets some new present like an ipod or something.)
It's worse than it sounds and I can't really explain everything. People have said I'm very pretty, cute, and so smart with the whitest milky skin and shiny brown hair but my self-esteem has gone down and I feel really bad. I was suicidal but now I'm just depressed. What should I do? I'm tired of holding it all in and not being able to cry. My dog and violin are my only comfort.
Thank you for reading this long question, and I would really appreciate if you replied.
Thank you again.
Utai | 7 days ago
try talking to your friends to see what thye would do in a situation like this i mean like one of your closest friends or get in touch with defax i mean she should not be able to hit you and abuse you and verbaly abuse you. the same thing happened to me but it was over no reason. i was removed from my home and now i live with my older brother. or try talking to the guidance counseler at your college or go get adn appointment made with one. try to help yourself out. that way you wont be depressed and you know from this experiance that you can rely on yourself to do more things!
im terribly sorry
hope my advice was some use
kayla brookeee j. ;-)
Be a true genius and run away from home to a safer, saner, and more loving place. If this is a true story, U need to escape. There are too many other kind adults who would take U into their legal custody. Get help now.
woah. im kind of in that same situation except they dont hit me or anything the most ive gotten is being pushed or shoved around. though they do yell at me and my younger brother constantly, you should definatly tell a friend or somebody who really cares about you, theres always somebody willing to listen!!